i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
