I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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