Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
