Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
