I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
