You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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