if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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