I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The uberlube is also flammable
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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