He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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