I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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