u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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