i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
