Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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