She's JV to your varsity
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
