i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
