im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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