"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
