Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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