I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
