So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
