we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
