I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
