This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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