Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
