If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
