Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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