You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize