OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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