"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
