They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
