I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
