the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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