True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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