he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
