I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
