Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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