I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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