i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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