one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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