Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
