His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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