you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
