I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
