Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
