The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
