He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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