You can't special order awesome
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No I am not eating basil off your cock
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
