dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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