Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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