Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
