covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize