you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
