Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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