yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so let's talk penis.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
