You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
