I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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