If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
