fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
