Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize