We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
