so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
