How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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