I am midnight drunk by noon
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
