Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
