Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
