i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My ass is underappreciated
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
