i permit you to call me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
