i think i have herpe
just one?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
