I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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