Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
