i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
