I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
