Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
