so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They are going to name an STD after you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
