sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
