MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
