I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
