im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
