when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
