she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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