What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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