In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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