you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize