that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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