the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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