so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
