You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize